Expressing your needs, boundaries and truths
Pretty early on, good girls learn to be palatable, to ignore their needs and to hide their truths.
They understand (even subconsciously) that their family, the cultures they belong to, and/or the patriarchal society expect them to be nice, gentle, and "low maintenance". It's better for them to obey standards, and not question norms and rules that are forced upon them.
Expressing their own boundaries and preferences can lead to negative consequences: being pressured to conform, being manipulated to change their minds, or being punished with silent treatment. Or they are rewarded for putting themselves last (with affection, compliments, being held up as role models), which reinforces their belief that self-sacrificing = being a good person and that they are loved when they abandoning themselves.
And even if they aren't explicitly asked to hide who they are, they understand that it's convenient when they do. They make themselves smaller and try not to take up too much space. They are quite and secretive. They hide behind masks and fake smiles. It can be how they find their place, identity, and role within their family. It can be how they experience belonging.
They had to prioritize attachment over authenticity. To hide behind a false self. To suppress their vulnerability, anger, sadness (and maybe joy too) deep within themselves.
And it comes with a cost.
They are not necessarily able to express themselves. To talk about what they've been through. To open up in their relationships with others. To be honest with themselves. Long term, it takes a toll on them which can lead to anxiety, constant overthinking, burnout and depression. Not expressing our needs, our boundaries and our truths costs us our authenticity, our health, our quality of life and of our relationships.
When you've been hiding from others and yourself for so long, it takes time to show your true colors — but it's possible!
Expressing your needs, boundaries and personal truths helps you (and others):
recognize you’re your own person,
assert your preferences,
establish a framework based on self-respect in your relationships with others and with yourself,
get to know you(rself) better,
reclaim your story, emotions, feelings,
break out of the silence that suffocated you,
go through a somatic experience by moving stuck energy and trapped emotions,
be true to yourself,
translate your inner world,
ground yourself in your body and sensations,
use your agency,
be sovereign by deciding for yourself,
communicate what resonates with you,
build community with like-minded people who understand you,
etc...
Expressing yourself can be incredibly healing. You have the right to take up space. To make room for your authenticity. To open yourself up to those who can meet you halfway. Even if you haven't experienced it yet. Even if it seems abstract and out of reach right now. The key is to move forward at your own pace.
Your needs, boundaries and truths deserve to be acknowledged, considered and heard.
