Identifying your needs, boundaries and truths
Good girls grow up in social environments (societies, cultures, families) where they learn that their own needs, boundaries, and personal truths don't matter. Or if they do, they can be in direct conflict with those of others (their parents, siblings, educators, etc.). The likelihood that they'll be overlooked is high.
It is as if there can't be enough room for everyone; not everyone's needs can be accommodated. Inevitably, someone is going to lose.
Often, something else is prioritized in these environments: other people's needs, absolute obedience to rules and authority figures, being overly nice/polite/docile (with no discernment).
We have to be accepted at all costs, avoid disappointing people, hurting their feelings, and rocking the boat... otherwise we risk consequences (real or imagined) that are beyond our capacity to face them, such as being rejected, abandoned, manipulated, attacked or abused.
We learn to:
deflect and avoid conflicts — not necessarily to assert ourselves, speak up for ourselves, defend ourselves or be protected
prioritize our connection with others (attachment) over authenticity (the truth of our being)
adapt by maintaining relationships in which we erase ourselves, sacrifice ourselves, and/or abandon ourselves
ignore or repress our needs and boundaries
internalize and reenact with others what we experienced and/or felt with our primary attachment figures
outsource decision-making
These relationships cannot be healthy and authentic if there is no room for honesty and respect for each person's integrity.
Identifying your needs and boundaries is already a step toward breaking free from these patterns.
It means checking in with yourself and taking the time to self-reflect and (re)connect with yourself.
It means giving yourself space, attention, and consideration.
It means realizing you have your own individuality.
It means no longer being a stranger to yourself.
It means opening yourself up to the realities within you and to the possibility of experiencing relationships differently: with dignity, integrity, and authenticity.
Your needs, boundaries and truths are reference points that deserve your attention.
They are like an inner compass that tells you whether what you say or do is in line with who you are.
Becoming aware of their existence and how they express themselves (through emotions, sensations or desires) can help you get to know yourself better, understand yourself, and take care of yourself.
They also matter for those who care about you.
Identifying them is already honoring yourself.
