Translating my inner world, a work in progress

More and more, I’m facing the hardship of translating my inner world on social media and with people I don't know at all. It seems perfectly normal to me now that I'm writing it, but for years the opposite's been true.

Internet gave me the opportunity to explore, discover and talk about myself in the rawness of what I was experience, in poetry and images — without the need to communicate it to anyone in particular.

I let myself be moved by a force that just needed to bring everything out into the open,

to tap into the Self, perhaps to prove to myself that I also exist in the world if I can ··· leave a trace ···

I've opened countless blogs and used different platforms to share my thought process and express my creativity. These places were on display, giving others the opportunity to immerse in my world or pass by it. In reality, I wasn't really aware of them. I paid little attention to the outside world I poured my overflow into. My words were tentacles, and I wanted to take up space outside myself.

Between <back then> and .now. I learned to use my voice, communicate more directly, tell people what I’ve been going through.

As an entrepreneur, I feel this pressure to reveal myself: to attract attention, be recognizable, spark curiosity. You have to be able to stand out from the crowd and shine your own unique light for people to even notice. I need to tell my story, for myself but also relatability: so that others like me know that they're not alone with their feelings, emotions and experiences; and perhaps to bond or connect over that.

I'm puzzled by the fact that I don't know who I'm talking to from the get go— all I have is a screen in front of me and the hope that, despite everything, my words will touch someone else's heart, but it feels like talking without really communicating.

Whose ears or eyes will receive my words?

Whose soul will the words be resonating to?

Who is and will be at the receiving end of this liveliness?

But above all,

What can you do when you've learned that living more on the inside and not letting much showing up on the outside can save you?Hiding the inner world from the outside world,

disconnecting [the richness and movements of the psyche and the heart]

from [the danger that the Other can represent] can be the only way to survive

But to live… There's no need to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction and fall into a forced display of vulnerability. The truth doesn't need to be delivered wrapped with a gold ribbon — only when it's ready; raw or marinated To live,

it is necessary to Reconcile in the in-between space

Find the sweet spot where the inter- and intra-personal come together

And accept my own pace, too

— that of a four o’clock flower,

Let the day pass

and give myself plenty of time to bloom.